Hilde agreed with Alberto that he was going a bit too far, comparing himself
with God and Providence. But whom was she actually agreeing with? Wasn’t it her
father who put those reproachful—or self-reproachful—words in Alberto’s mouth?
She decided that the comparison with God was not so crazy after all. Her father really
was like an almighty God for Sophie’s world.
When Alberto got to Berkeley, Hilde was at least as enthralled as Sophie had
been. What would happen now? There had been all kinds of hints that something
special was going to happen as soon as they got to that philosopher—who had denied
the existence of a material world outside human consciousness.
The chapter begins with Alberto and Sophie standing at the window, seeing the
little plane with the long Happy Birthday streamer waving behind it. At the same time
dark clouds begin to gather over the town.
“So ‘to be or not to be’ is not the whole question. The question is also
who we are. Are we really human beings of flesh and blood? Does our world
consist of real things—or are we encircled by the mind?”
Not so surprising that Sophie starts biting her nails. Nail-biting had never been
one of Hilde’s bad habits but she didn’t feel particularly pleased with herself right
now. Then finally it was all out in the open: “For us— for you and me—this ‘will or
spirit’ that is the ‘cause of everything in everything’ could be Hilde’s father.”
“Are you saying he’s been a kind of God for us?”
“To be perfectly candid, yes.He should be ashamed of himself!”
“What about Hilde herself?”
“She is an angel, Sophie.”
“An angel?”
“Hilde is the one this ‘spirit’ turns to.”
With that, Sophie tears herself away from Alberto and runs out into the storm.
Could it be the same storm that raged over Bjerkely last night—a few hours after
Sophie ran through the town?
As she ran, one thought kept going round and round in her mind:
“Tomorrow is my birthday*. Isn’t it extra bitter to realize that life is only a
dream on the day before your fifteenth birthday? It’s like dreaming you won a
million and then just as you’re getting the money you wake up.”
Sophie ran across the squelching playing field. Minutes later she saw
someone come running toward her. It was her mother. The sky was pierced
again and again by angry darts of lightning.
When they reached each other Sophie’s mother put her arm around her.
“What’s happening to us, little one?”
“I don’t know,” Sophie sobbed. “It’s like a bad dream.”
Hilde felt the tears start. “To be or not to be—that is the question.” She threw
the ring binder to the end of the bed and stood up. She walked back and forth across
the floor. At last she stopped in front of the brass mirror, where she remained until her
mother came to say dinner was ready. When Hilde heard the knock on the door, she
had no idea how long she had been standing there.
But she was sure, she was perfectly sure, that her reflection had winked with
both eyes.
She tried to be the grateful birthday girl all through dinner. But her thoughts
were with Sophie and Alberto all the time.
How would things go for them now that they knew it was Hilda’s father who